Ok, its official: 2010 is so far the worst summer movie season in recent memory. The reason I know this is not because I have seen all the films released so far and thought they stunk, but rather I haven't seen squat since IRON MAN 2 opened. Even though that movie was a mild disappointment, it still mainly delivered the goods and has distinguished itself as being the only major summer release that I bought advance tickets for and saw it on opening night.
Ok, I just remembered that I saw SHREK FOREVER AFTER or THE FINAL CHAPTER or whatever opening weekend, but that was because I had a nephew to entertain. Not that it was bad, mind you, but the fact that I'm just now remembering it...well, I just made my own point.
With the exception of the just-released TOY STORY 3 - which I plan to see this week after the opening weekend hysterics die down - however, the summer releases have yet to inspire any real kind of gotta-see-it-now excitement.
Memorial Day weekend? Fuhgettaboutit. Whereas last year had UP and DRAG ME TO HELL, this year's major tentpoles were PRINCE OF PERSIA and SEX AND THE CITY 2, two films that pretty much met with what Robin Williams once called a large round of indifference.
I've been meaning to see GET HIM TO THE GREEK but have yet to get to it, which has never been the case with anything produced by Judd Apatow.
The best movie I've seen this summer so far? Banksy's EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP, a terrific and hilarious documentary about renegade street artists. Not anyone's usual idea of summer entertainment, but sometimes you gotta take what you can get - and there's a lot to get out of this GIFT SHOP.
To think that 35 years ago this month, JAWS, the ultimate summer movie, was released. Can any film released this summer thus far go toe to fin with Bruce the shark? I think not.
The one movie I'm counting on is August's THE EXPENDABLES, directed by and starring Sylvester Stallone. If an action movie starring Sly, Dolph Lundgren, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke and Eric Roberts isn't enough to slap the summer movie blues right out of me, then there truly is no hope.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly of 2009...and the Best of the Decade!
It's Oscar Sunday, folks, and I know this is way overdue, but here at long last is my Top Ten Films of 2009 along with my Good, Bad, and the Ugly list for the year.
A quick note about my Top Ten: it's in alphabetical order, not in order of preference. It's kind of the hip thing to do these days it seems, but frankly, it's much easier. Lord knows it's hard enough to narrow the best films of the year down to just ten, but agonizing over each individual slot is also just kinda silly.
Also, the list is for American films only because I saw so few foreign films this year. I intend to correct that this year by catching some of the great ones I missed, like THE WHITE RIBBON, AJAMI, A PROPHET, and POLICE, ADJECTIVE.
Did I have a favorite film of the year? Yeah, I think so. I would say UP IN THE AIR was my personal favorite, but the more I see UP, the more I realize what a true classic that movie is. And I don't care what anybody says, STAR TREK was a terrific movie from start to finish - and I'm not even that big a fan of the franchise.
I'm also including my Top 25 Films of the Decade. None of the films from 2009 are on the list, but who knows? Films often age like fine wines, so UP just might finds its way on the list eventually.
Enjoy - and thanks to all five of you for being faithful readers!
The Best (American) Films of 2009
(500) Days of Summer
Anvil: The Story of Anvil
Avatar
District 9
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
A Serious Man
Star Trek
Up
Up in the Air
The Good:
Adam, Adventureland, A Christmas Carol, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, Bright Star, Broken Embraces, Brothers, Bruno, Coraline, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, Crazy Heart, Drag Me To Hell, An Education. Every Little Step, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Food Inc., The Girlfriend Experience, The Great Buck Howard, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, The Hangover, I Love You Man, The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, The Informant!, Invictus, It Might Get Loud, Julia & Julia, Know1ng, Julia & Julia, The Last House of Left, The Lovely Bones, Me & Orson Welles, The Messengers, Monsters vs. Aliens, Monsters vs. Aliens, Moon, Paranormal Activity, A Perfect Getaway, Observe and Report, Public Enemies, Sherlock Holmes, The Soloist, State of Play, Sunshine Cleaning, Taken, Watchmen, Where The Wild Things Are, World's Greatest Dad, Zombieland
The Bad:
Away We Go, Confessions of a Shopaholic, He's Just Not That Into You, The International, Planet 51, Year One
and The Ugly:
Jennifer's Body
Split Decision:
Angels & Demons, Antichrist, Funny People, Halloween II, The Invention of Lying, Pirate Radio, Terminator: Salvation, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Guilty Pleasures:
2012, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, The Men Who Stare At Goats, My Sister's Keeper, The Time Traveler's Wife, Whip It, X-Men Origins: Wolverine
The 25 Best Films of the Decade
24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE
BORAT: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA TO MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN
A.I.: ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE
ALL THE REAL GIRLS
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
THE DARK KNIGHT
DONNIE DARKO
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
THE GANGS OF NEW YORK
KILL BILL VOL. 1&2
LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY
MEMENTO
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
MOULIN ROUGE!
MUNICH
MULHOLLAND DRIVE
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE PIANIST
SPIDER MAN 1 & 2
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
TRAFFIC
WALL*E
Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN
A quick note about my Top Ten: it's in alphabetical order, not in order of preference. It's kind of the hip thing to do these days it seems, but frankly, it's much easier. Lord knows it's hard enough to narrow the best films of the year down to just ten, but agonizing over each individual slot is also just kinda silly.
Also, the list is for American films only because I saw so few foreign films this year. I intend to correct that this year by catching some of the great ones I missed, like THE WHITE RIBBON, AJAMI, A PROPHET, and POLICE, ADJECTIVE.
Did I have a favorite film of the year? Yeah, I think so. I would say UP IN THE AIR was my personal favorite, but the more I see UP, the more I realize what a true classic that movie is. And I don't care what anybody says, STAR TREK was a terrific movie from start to finish - and I'm not even that big a fan of the franchise.
I'm also including my Top 25 Films of the Decade. None of the films from 2009 are on the list, but who knows? Films often age like fine wines, so UP just might finds its way on the list eventually.
Enjoy - and thanks to all five of you for being faithful readers!
The Best (American) Films of 2009
(500) Days of Summer
Anvil: The Story of Anvil
Avatar
District 9
The Hurt Locker
Inglourious Basterds
A Serious Man
Star Trek
Up
Up in the Air
The Good:
Adam, Adventureland, A Christmas Carol, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, Bright Star, Broken Embraces, Brothers, Bruno, Coraline, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, Crazy Heart, Drag Me To Hell, An Education. Every Little Step, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Food Inc., The Girlfriend Experience, The Great Buck Howard, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, The Hangover, I Love You Man, The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus, The Informant!, Invictus, It Might Get Loud, Julia & Julia, Know1ng, Julia & Julia, The Last House of Left, The Lovely Bones, Me & Orson Welles, The Messengers, Monsters vs. Aliens, Monsters vs. Aliens, Moon, Paranormal Activity, A Perfect Getaway, Observe and Report, Public Enemies, Sherlock Holmes, The Soloist, State of Play, Sunshine Cleaning, Taken, Watchmen, Where The Wild Things Are, World's Greatest Dad, Zombieland
The Bad:
Away We Go, Confessions of a Shopaholic, He's Just Not That Into You, The International, Planet 51, Year One
and The Ugly:
Jennifer's Body
Split Decision:
Angels & Demons, Antichrist, Funny People, Halloween II, The Invention of Lying, Pirate Radio, Terminator: Salvation, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Guilty Pleasures:
2012, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, The Men Who Stare At Goats, My Sister's Keeper, The Time Traveler's Wife, Whip It, X-Men Origins: Wolverine
The 25 Best Films of the Decade
24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE
BORAT: CULTURAL LEARNINGS OF AMERICA TO MAKE BENEFIT GLORIOUS NATION OF KAZAKHSTAN
A.I.: ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE
ALL THE REAL GIRLS
CATCH ME IF YOU CAN
THE DARK KNIGHT
DONNIE DARKO
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND
THE GANGS OF NEW YORK
KILL BILL VOL. 1&2
LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
THE LORD OF THE RINGS TRILOGY
MEMENTO
MILLION DOLLAR BABY
MOULIN ROUGE!
MUNICH
MULHOLLAND DRIVE
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
PAN'S LABYRINTH
THE PIANIST
SPIDER MAN 1 & 2
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
TRAFFIC
WALL*E
Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
A Man For One Season
So now that we are three weeks into the fall season, allow me to out myself: I love fall. It is my favorite season of the year. Though Andy Williams is quite correct when he sings that Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, Christmas is not a season. Winter is a season, and as we all know, winter blows. Literally. White Christmases are lovely, that is, until you have to scrape ice off your car's windshield. That can suck the holiday glow out of just about anybody.
My love for fall began back in the early 90s when I was living in Chicago. I can recall walking along the north side during a typically blustery October Saturday. I was on my way to catch a matinee of the movie "Rudy." As I pulled my jacket collar up to cover my nippy ears, a thought popped inside my wind-blown head: I love this. The sweaters, the cool air, the walking against the wind, all of it. It's the closest I ever come to feeling like I live in a "Peanuts" holiday special.
Fall is actually the best time to live in Chicago, what with the mild temperatures and beautiful changing colors of the leaves. Spring is nice, but woefully brief. Summer can get way too humid. And a winter in Chicago is truly one of Dante's circles in Hell, albeit the kind in which Hell can actually freeze.
I live in Los Angeles and we don't really get much of a fall here. Fall in L.A. pretty much means rain, which, when you have sunny skies for 350 days of the year, you actually begin to appreciate. Its been raining for two straight days now and I could not be happier. I guess I'm more of an "every silver lining has a dark cloud" kind of guy.
So before I break into a Busby Berkely-esque dance number about my love for the weather between late September and late December, here is my list of reasons why you, if you haven't already, should fall for fall.
1. Pumpkins spice lattes ~ It seemed as if Starbucks used to have a monopoly on these babies, but you can get these pretty much anywhere that serves coffee nowadays. They're deliciously hot, creamy, and yes, a little spicy. For you bargain hunters out there, 7-11 has them for 99 cents - that's about three times less expensive than those big fancy places. You're welcome.
2. Fall TV shows ~ I'm more of a movie guy (see #3) but there is something inherently exciting about having new shows to watch this time of year. Sadly, the only new show I've seen so far this year is "Fast Forward," which is really trippy. It's hard to make time for the new ones when you can barely keep up with the old ones. I have all the existing episodes of "Modern Family," "Cougar Town," and "Community" backlogged on my DVR queue, so I have my work cut out for me.
3. Fall movies ~ Don't get me wrong, I love summer movies as much as the next popcorn-chomping member of Generation SW (Star Wars), but after three months of huge explosions, wall-to-wall CGI, and English-speaking rodents, it's nice to have some films that are least a little quieter. I'm really looking forward to BRIGHT STAR, the Coen Brothers' A SERIOUS MAN, and the George Clooney-Ewan Macgregor comedy THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS. Fall movies are often early Oscar-baiters, but at least their box office numbers aren't as hugely magnified as the summer tentpoles.
4. Halloween ~ This is another spot on the calendar I've come to embrace. Sure, I loved Halloween as a kid, but there inevitably comes that time in your late teens and early 20s when you're too cool for school and you stop dressing up. Those days are over for me - I think Halloween is like Mardi Gras for those of us who can't hike it down to the French Quarter. And, of course, Halloween leads me to my next fave...
5. Candy ~ Once summer ends, so does all of our promises to stay in shape (which, lets face it, didn't really come to pass, did they?) So with the approach of All Hallow's Eve comes our desire to eschew summer salads in favor of candy corn, marshmallow pumpkins, and those wonderful fun-sized candy bars. I think they call them fun-sized because we kid ourselves into thinking that eating fifteen of those suckers in a row isn't as bad as eating one regular size 3 Musketeers. Oh, the webs of deception us mortals weave.
You might have noticed that I left out football season. It wasn't by accident. I'm not a sports fan in any way, shape, or form. Still, I must admit, I do enjoy the sound of a football game coming from a TV I'm not watching. Why? Because it means there's a good chance I'm on my way to get a pumpkin spice latte before hitting a matinee at the movie theater with my pockets stuffed with mini-Milky Way bars. In which case, I'm having a very, very, good day.
My love for fall began back in the early 90s when I was living in Chicago. I can recall walking along the north side during a typically blustery October Saturday. I was on my way to catch a matinee of the movie "Rudy." As I pulled my jacket collar up to cover my nippy ears, a thought popped inside my wind-blown head: I love this. The sweaters, the cool air, the walking against the wind, all of it. It's the closest I ever come to feeling like I live in a "Peanuts" holiday special.
Fall is actually the best time to live in Chicago, what with the mild temperatures and beautiful changing colors of the leaves. Spring is nice, but woefully brief. Summer can get way too humid. And a winter in Chicago is truly one of Dante's circles in Hell, albeit the kind in which Hell can actually freeze.
I live in Los Angeles and we don't really get much of a fall here. Fall in L.A. pretty much means rain, which, when you have sunny skies for 350 days of the year, you actually begin to appreciate. Its been raining for two straight days now and I could not be happier. I guess I'm more of an "every silver lining has a dark cloud" kind of guy.
So before I break into a Busby Berkely-esque dance number about my love for the weather between late September and late December, here is my list of reasons why you, if you haven't already, should fall for fall.
1. Pumpkins spice lattes ~ It seemed as if Starbucks used to have a monopoly on these babies, but you can get these pretty much anywhere that serves coffee nowadays. They're deliciously hot, creamy, and yes, a little spicy. For you bargain hunters out there, 7-11 has them for 99 cents - that's about three times less expensive than those big fancy places. You're welcome.
2. Fall TV shows ~ I'm more of a movie guy (see #3) but there is something inherently exciting about having new shows to watch this time of year. Sadly, the only new show I've seen so far this year is "Fast Forward," which is really trippy. It's hard to make time for the new ones when you can barely keep up with the old ones. I have all the existing episodes of "Modern Family," "Cougar Town," and "Community" backlogged on my DVR queue, so I have my work cut out for me.
3. Fall movies ~ Don't get me wrong, I love summer movies as much as the next popcorn-chomping member of Generation SW (Star Wars), but after three months of huge explosions, wall-to-wall CGI, and English-speaking rodents, it's nice to have some films that are least a little quieter. I'm really looking forward to BRIGHT STAR, the Coen Brothers' A SERIOUS MAN, and the George Clooney-Ewan Macgregor comedy THE MEN WHO STARE AT GOATS. Fall movies are often early Oscar-baiters, but at least their box office numbers aren't as hugely magnified as the summer tentpoles.
4. Halloween ~ This is another spot on the calendar I've come to embrace. Sure, I loved Halloween as a kid, but there inevitably comes that time in your late teens and early 20s when you're too cool for school and you stop dressing up. Those days are over for me - I think Halloween is like Mardi Gras for those of us who can't hike it down to the French Quarter. And, of course, Halloween leads me to my next fave...
5. Candy ~ Once summer ends, so does all of our promises to stay in shape (which, lets face it, didn't really come to pass, did they?) So with the approach of All Hallow's Eve comes our desire to eschew summer salads in favor of candy corn, marshmallow pumpkins, and those wonderful fun-sized candy bars. I think they call them fun-sized because we kid ourselves into thinking that eating fifteen of those suckers in a row isn't as bad as eating one regular size 3 Musketeers. Oh, the webs of deception us mortals weave.
You might have noticed that I left out football season. It wasn't by accident. I'm not a sports fan in any way, shape, or form. Still, I must admit, I do enjoy the sound of a football game coming from a TV I'm not watching. Why? Because it means there's a good chance I'm on my way to get a pumpkin spice latte before hitting a matinee at the movie theater with my pockets stuffed with mini-Milky Way bars. In which case, I'm having a very, very, good day.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
The Ugly Nerd on Prom Night
'Twas the night before Comic Con, and all through the apartment, not a swag-craving geek was packing, for he was too broke to go this year.
And...SCENE!
Alas, me hearties, 'tis true: I shan't be going to the 2009 Comic Con International in San Diego this week. Though financial limitations have never stopped me from going in previous years (this would have been my fourth go-round) I knew pretty early that a lack of full-time employment would make the journey quite unfeasible, if not outright impossible.
Actually, my not going was preordained a little over a year ago when the 2008 festivities had barely ended. I had just had the BEST. TIME. EVER. with my usual Con crew (plus lovely newbie Eileen) and we all pretty much agreed that it would be hard to top the four day extravaganza we just experienced. In an act that could only be described as divine intervention, our official travel booker snagged us a last-minute slot at the Marriott located next door to the San Diego Convention Center. This was truly manna from heaven, folks, as it not only cut down on the daily travel time, it also afforded us an oasis where we could seek refuge from the madding crowds (or is that "maddening?") Our gorgeous room with a kick-ass view of the San Diego marina also came with free breakfast and dinner vouchers, which certainly topped the mediocre/overpriced fare that the convention center slings each year.
So on this eve of what is known as Geekmas (Christmas for geeks) I am truly crestfallen that I will not be partaking of the groovy sneak-peek movie screenings, celeb-studded Q&A panels, and of course, the endless barrage of swag-laden booths lined up in the labyrinthian convention floor where con attendees appear in insanely innate (and often revealing) superhero/character costumes and huckster pitchmen/women lure passersby into impromptu contests to win all sorts of free crap.
Comic Con truly has something for every geek persuasion and there is never any judgment. To wit, my friends Debi and Sean who demurred at the jam-packed presentation for J.J. Abrams' STAR TREK reboot in favor of a Fans of "Little Lulu" panel. Heck, I even skipped last year's WATCHMEN panel (hadn't read the graphic novel yet) so I could attend a cast of "Peanuts" Q&A. (Did you know Peppermint Patty was voiced on separate occasions by both a boy and a girl? Neither did I.)
Don't get me wrong, Comic Con is also the biggest hassle in the known geek universe. Every year it gets bigger and bigger, as does the line just to get in the joint (note to Con virgins: always opt for the 4 day pass so you can pick it up Wednesday before everything goes to hell.) The pushing, and yes, sometimes even shoving that occurs when a celebrity pops up on the main floor or a certain swag item is going like hotcakes (i.e., last year's STAR TREK posters) is so redonkuloid that you wonder why you even bothered going.
But then something invariably cool will transpire, like Hugh Jackman making a surprise appearance to promote WOLVERINE (this was before we knew it sucked) or realizing that you're standing behind Ron "Hellboy" Perlman at the Starbucks in the hotel lobby. You just never know when you're about to have your knee-high tube socks knocked off.
My melancholic mood has been furthered fuel by the last-minute additions to this year's Con that keep popping up online, like the free screenings of INGLORIOUS BASTERDS and DISTRICT 9. Ooh, those really hurt. However, every time I see a photo of the latest Con exclusive (I'm talking to you, Darth Vader Toaster) I keep thinking of the money I'm not spending this year. Like they say, a penny saved, is a penny earned.
On that note, I'm going to go pick out a jar to hold all the pennies I'm saving this year. What will I be saving up for?
I think you know the answer already.
And...SCENE!
Alas, me hearties, 'tis true: I shan't be going to the 2009 Comic Con International in San Diego this week. Though financial limitations have never stopped me from going in previous years (this would have been my fourth go-round) I knew pretty early that a lack of full-time employment would make the journey quite unfeasible, if not outright impossible.
Actually, my not going was preordained a little over a year ago when the 2008 festivities had barely ended. I had just had the BEST. TIME. EVER. with my usual Con crew (plus lovely newbie Eileen) and we all pretty much agreed that it would be hard to top the four day extravaganza we just experienced. In an act that could only be described as divine intervention, our official travel booker snagged us a last-minute slot at the Marriott located next door to the San Diego Convention Center. This was truly manna from heaven, folks, as it not only cut down on the daily travel time, it also afforded us an oasis where we could seek refuge from the madding crowds (or is that "maddening?") Our gorgeous room with a kick-ass view of the San Diego marina also came with free breakfast and dinner vouchers, which certainly topped the mediocre/overpriced fare that the convention center slings each year.
So on this eve of what is known as Geekmas (Christmas for geeks) I am truly crestfallen that I will not be partaking of the groovy sneak-peek movie screenings, celeb-studded Q&A panels, and of course, the endless barrage of swag-laden booths lined up in the labyrinthian convention floor where con attendees appear in insanely innate (and often revealing) superhero/character costumes and huckster pitchmen/women lure passersby into impromptu contests to win all sorts of free crap.
Comic Con truly has something for every geek persuasion and there is never any judgment. To wit, my friends Debi and Sean who demurred at the jam-packed presentation for J.J. Abrams' STAR TREK reboot in favor of a Fans of "Little Lulu" panel. Heck, I even skipped last year's WATCHMEN panel (hadn't read the graphic novel yet) so I could attend a cast of "Peanuts" Q&A. (Did you know Peppermint Patty was voiced on separate occasions by both a boy and a girl? Neither did I.)
Don't get me wrong, Comic Con is also the biggest hassle in the known geek universe. Every year it gets bigger and bigger, as does the line just to get in the joint (note to Con virgins: always opt for the 4 day pass so you can pick it up Wednesday before everything goes to hell.) The pushing, and yes, sometimes even shoving that occurs when a celebrity pops up on the main floor or a certain swag item is going like hotcakes (i.e., last year's STAR TREK posters) is so redonkuloid that you wonder why you even bothered going.
But then something invariably cool will transpire, like Hugh Jackman making a surprise appearance to promote WOLVERINE (this was before we knew it sucked) or realizing that you're standing behind Ron "Hellboy" Perlman at the Starbucks in the hotel lobby. You just never know when you're about to have your knee-high tube socks knocked off.
My melancholic mood has been furthered fuel by the last-minute additions to this year's Con that keep popping up online, like the free screenings of INGLORIOUS BASTERDS and DISTRICT 9. Ooh, those really hurt. However, every time I see a photo of the latest Con exclusive (I'm talking to you, Darth Vader Toaster) I keep thinking of the money I'm not spending this year. Like they say, a penny saved, is a penny earned.
On that note, I'm going to go pick out a jar to hold all the pennies I'm saving this year. What will I be saving up for?
I think you know the answer already.
Monday, June 29, 2009
And The Oscar For Best Re-Tooled Award Show Goes To...
Sometime during the sad events of last week (that is, unless celebrity death pools are your thing) it was announced that, in an effort to boost ratings, the Oscars are retooling category rules for their most coveted prize, the Best Picture Oscar.
Oh, like making sure the Academy members see every nominated film in an actual (gasp) movie theater???
No such luck. The Academy, in their infinite wisdom, is actually adding more nominees to the Best Picture category - 10 to be exact.
No exact reason was given but it can assumed that more people will tune in to watch the broadcast if their favorite blockbuster is nominated. Yes, folks, the show that is perennially penalized by audiences and critics alike for being crashingly dull is trying to make up for it by making the list of nominations for the top prize twice as long. I guess THE DARK KNIGHT might have stood a chance if these rules applied to last year's show, but then again, isn't being the best out of ten half as impressive as being the best out of five?
You might be asking yourself: will there be clips for all ten nominated films and won't that eat up a lot of broadcast time?
Well, fret not, Oscar lovers, because, in an effort to shave the show's usually interminable running time, the Academy announced this week a couple more changes to the grandaddy of award shows. You know those lifetime achievement awards that Joe Q. Oscarwatcher uses as an excuse to refill his nacho bowl? Gone. Well, gone from the telecast anyway. The Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Awards, whose winners have included such dullards as Jerry Lewis, Paul Newman, and Audrey Hepburn, and the Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Awards, given to hacks such as Warren Beatty, Clint Eastwood, and Steven Speilberg, will now be handed out in a private ceremony attended by people who make way more money than you and I put together.
Also, the Best Original Song category, which has given us memorable moments such as Eminem's surprise win over U2, Three Six Mafia beating out Dolly Parton's transvestite song, and Rob Lowe serenading Snow White, is being given stricter guidelines to follow. Normally, Best Song nominees are vetted by a process in which voters rate on clips sent out to them by artists' representatives. The voters rate the songs on a scale from 1 to 10. The songs that get votes of 6 or higher are usually shoo-ins for a nomination. Now the Academy is requiring that songs get a vote of at least 8.25 to even be considered for a spot on the short list. And to prove that they mean business, the Academy announced that if not enough songs reach the hallowed 8.25 mark (not 8.15 or 8.03, mind you) then the Best Song category will be eliminated that year altogether. Okay...
I guess I can kind of see where the Academy is coming from. If none of the songs in contention aren't that good, then why bother having the category at all. The question is: why the stricter rules for just the Best Song category and not the others? Can you imagine if none of the Best Picture nominees made it to, say, a 12.16 mark (the numbers signify my birthday, plenty of shopping time left, folks) and they had to forego the Holy Grail of award show hardware? What about all the years critics bemoan the lack of substantial roles for women - why not prove their point by not having a Supporting Actress, or dare I say, Best Actress category that year? I'm sure that would go over like Sacheen Littlefeather, but you get my point.
I can appreciate the Academy wanting to make a leaner Oscars ceremony for the sake of ratings - it is show BUSINESS after all - but why change it by taking away the grandeur that some of the Thalberg/Hersholt recipients give the show? How else could Jerry Lewis be rewarded by the industry he gave so much to? Aren't the lifetime achievement awards the ones that all nominees should be trying to emulate?
If they're going to trim anything, maybe it should be the annual death crawl, which is also known as the " He Died??? Montage." Maybe they should just highlight the most popular of the dead celebrities. How about this - all Academy members have to vote on each of the deceased in terms of likability. If the deceased actor/director/screenwriter/agent in question doesn't rate an 8.25, then they don't make the cut.
Ok, I'm reaching here. It just seems like all these changes reek of desperation and I don't like to see an institution such as The Academy Awards pander to the masses. And you know what? I love my big, fat, overlong, Oscar telecasts. Why else do we tune in each year (other than to have a few laughs at the expense of the rich and famous) but to have something to complain about while we fill out our Xeroxed ballots during the Oscar party? Let's face it, if the Academy Awards came in at exactly two hours including commercial breaks we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves.
Here's my 5 point sure-fire plan to trim the Oscars without losing all the yummy excess we love to hate:
1. Only nominate foreign films that the Academy liked. Who cares what movie Istanbul thinks is the one that best represents their country? If the Academy nominates films the viewing audience has heard of, then maybe they won't switch the channel during that category. And, taking a cue from the Best Song category, if there are only three foreign films that year worth talking about, then only have three in that category. Why LET THE RIGHT ONE IN wasn't nominated last year will remain one of the great mysteries of all-time.
2. Get rid of the documentary short category altogether (we're never going to see them ever) and use the time to show the nominated animated shorts. I would say the same for the Live Action Shorts, but they often are anything but short. Plus, who doesn't love a good cartoon?
3. Apply the rules from #1 to the Best Documentary category. Don't punish films such as this year's surefire not-to-be nominated doc ANVIL: THE STORY OF ANVIL for being too entertaining. Again, if people have heard of the film, they'll likely be more interested in the outcome of the contest.
4. Discourage, nay, forbid the winners from thanking people we've never heard of. Make these creative people actually be creative with their speeches and we might actually listen to them. If they go over their time limit, don't bother with turning up the band's volume - just give them the ol' trap-door. Now that would be something!
5. Ok, I thought I had 5 points to make but I don't. See? Always prepare what you're going to say, people.
If I had one piece of advice to the Academy it would be this: just be yourself. The Grammys and The Super Bowl might very well trounce you in the ratings each year but, frankly, who gives a damn? There is only one movie award show worth watching each year and it ain't the MTV one. People, like my parents, who don't even go to movies still watch your show just to have a little dose of glamor on a Sunday evening. We like you, Oscar, we really, really, like you!
Just give us a show worth at least an 8.25 and then we'll love you.
Oh, like making sure the Academy members see every nominated film in an actual (gasp) movie theater???
No such luck. The Academy, in their infinite wisdom, is actually adding more nominees to the Best Picture category - 10 to be exact.
No exact reason was given but it can assumed that more people will tune in to watch the broadcast if their favorite blockbuster is nominated. Yes, folks, the show that is perennially penalized by audiences and critics alike for being crashingly dull is trying to make up for it by making the list of nominations for the top prize twice as long. I guess THE DARK KNIGHT might have stood a chance if these rules applied to last year's show, but then again, isn't being the best out of ten half as impressive as being the best out of five?
You might be asking yourself: will there be clips for all ten nominated films and won't that eat up a lot of broadcast time?
Well, fret not, Oscar lovers, because, in an effort to shave the show's usually interminable running time, the Academy announced this week a couple more changes to the grandaddy of award shows. You know those lifetime achievement awards that Joe Q. Oscarwatcher uses as an excuse to refill his nacho bowl? Gone. Well, gone from the telecast anyway. The Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Awards, whose winners have included such dullards as Jerry Lewis, Paul Newman, and Audrey Hepburn, and the Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Awards, given to hacks such as Warren Beatty, Clint Eastwood, and Steven Speilberg, will now be handed out in a private ceremony attended by people who make way more money than you and I put together.
Also, the Best Original Song category, which has given us memorable moments such as Eminem's surprise win over U2, Three Six Mafia beating out Dolly Parton's transvestite song, and Rob Lowe serenading Snow White, is being given stricter guidelines to follow. Normally, Best Song nominees are vetted by a process in which voters rate on clips sent out to them by artists' representatives. The voters rate the songs on a scale from 1 to 10. The songs that get votes of 6 or higher are usually shoo-ins for a nomination. Now the Academy is requiring that songs get a vote of at least 8.25 to even be considered for a spot on the short list. And to prove that they mean business, the Academy announced that if not enough songs reach the hallowed 8.25 mark (not 8.15 or 8.03, mind you) then the Best Song category will be eliminated that year altogether. Okay...
I guess I can kind of see where the Academy is coming from. If none of the songs in contention aren't that good, then why bother having the category at all. The question is: why the stricter rules for just the Best Song category and not the others? Can you imagine if none of the Best Picture nominees made it to, say, a 12.16 mark (the numbers signify my birthday, plenty of shopping time left, folks) and they had to forego the Holy Grail of award show hardware? What about all the years critics bemoan the lack of substantial roles for women - why not prove their point by not having a Supporting Actress, or dare I say, Best Actress category that year? I'm sure that would go over like Sacheen Littlefeather, but you get my point.
I can appreciate the Academy wanting to make a leaner Oscars ceremony for the sake of ratings - it is show BUSINESS after all - but why change it by taking away the grandeur that some of the Thalberg/Hersholt recipients give the show? How else could Jerry Lewis be rewarded by the industry he gave so much to? Aren't the lifetime achievement awards the ones that all nominees should be trying to emulate?
If they're going to trim anything, maybe it should be the annual death crawl, which is also known as the " He Died??? Montage." Maybe they should just highlight the most popular of the dead celebrities. How about this - all Academy members have to vote on each of the deceased in terms of likability. If the deceased actor/director/screenwriter/agent in question doesn't rate an 8.25, then they don't make the cut.
Ok, I'm reaching here. It just seems like all these changes reek of desperation and I don't like to see an institution such as The Academy Awards pander to the masses. And you know what? I love my big, fat, overlong, Oscar telecasts. Why else do we tune in each year (other than to have a few laughs at the expense of the rich and famous) but to have something to complain about while we fill out our Xeroxed ballots during the Oscar party? Let's face it, if the Academy Awards came in at exactly two hours including commercial breaks we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves.
Here's my 5 point sure-fire plan to trim the Oscars without losing all the yummy excess we love to hate:
1. Only nominate foreign films that the Academy liked. Who cares what movie Istanbul thinks is the one that best represents their country? If the Academy nominates films the viewing audience has heard of, then maybe they won't switch the channel during that category. And, taking a cue from the Best Song category, if there are only three foreign films that year worth talking about, then only have three in that category. Why LET THE RIGHT ONE IN wasn't nominated last year will remain one of the great mysteries of all-time.
2. Get rid of the documentary short category altogether (we're never going to see them ever) and use the time to show the nominated animated shorts. I would say the same for the Live Action Shorts, but they often are anything but short. Plus, who doesn't love a good cartoon?
3. Apply the rules from #1 to the Best Documentary category. Don't punish films such as this year's surefire not-to-be nominated doc ANVIL: THE STORY OF ANVIL for being too entertaining. Again, if people have heard of the film, they'll likely be more interested in the outcome of the contest.
4. Discourage, nay, forbid the winners from thanking people we've never heard of. Make these creative people actually be creative with their speeches and we might actually listen to them. If they go over their time limit, don't bother with turning up the band's volume - just give them the ol' trap-door. Now that would be something!
5. Ok, I thought I had 5 points to make but I don't. See? Always prepare what you're going to say, people.
If I had one piece of advice to the Academy it would be this: just be yourself. The Grammys and The Super Bowl might very well trounce you in the ratings each year but, frankly, who gives a damn? There is only one movie award show worth watching each year and it ain't the MTV one. People, like my parents, who don't even go to movies still watch your show just to have a little dose of glamor on a Sunday evening. We like you, Oscar, we really, really, like you!
Just give us a show worth at least an 8.25 and then we'll love you.
Friday, May 15, 2009
TWOTS Guide to 2009's Summer Movies
Summer is almost officially here, so that can only mean one thing. Ok, two, if the words "unbearable heat" just came to mind. Since summertime no longer means three months of sitting inside watching MTV and eating Doritos like they're going out of style, the rising temperatures (and shrinking garments of those darn California girls) make me think about the barrage of summer movies that have just begun to storm our local theaters.
Having realized just recently that not everyone reads Entertainment Weekly's Summer Movie Preview, I thought I'd do a little rundown of some of the upcoming offerings at the local googleplex. Since the economy is still in the toilet, I'm rating the movies with 1 - 4 dollar signs in terms of their entertainment value.
I'm not just here to entertain, people. I'm also here to help.
(In order of release date.)
WOLVERINE - This Hugh Jackman-starring "origin tale" is still slashing away much of the competition at the box office. It's just too bad it's not that great. Only somewhat better than the 3rd X-Men movie, but a far cry from the terrific first two installments. $$
STAR TREK - Remember last year how IRON MAN made you remember just how good and fun big budget blockbusters could be? That's what this reboot from director J.J. Abrams does. You don't have to be a Trekkie/Trekker to enjoy this, but it helps if you can tell the difference between a phaser and a lightsaber. $$$$
ANGELS & DEMONS - 2006's THE DA VINCI CODE was a Godsend for Columbia Pictures, even though most people didn't seem to care for it. Still, money talks, and it was good enough to convince Ron Howard and Tom Hanks to give Dan Brown's Da Vinci prequel (treated here as a sequel) another whirl. The word on the street? Wholly (not holy) forgettable. $$
THE BROTHERS BLOOM - This is one that will be harder to find but probably more worth your entertainment sheckles than most of the other offerings. Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo play con men siblings and Rachel Weisz is their latest mark - or will they be her latest victim? It's a lot like DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS just without the broad (read: funnier) humor. The second film from director Rian Johnson, who had an art-house hit in 2005 with the high-school noir mystery BRICK - a film I just could not get into. My bad, I'm sure. $$$
MANAGEMENT - Another smaller film though I haven't heard much other than Jennifer Aniston and Steve Zahn are in it. For me, Aniston is limited in range, but always appealing, and Zahn is one funny dude, though check out his more serious turn in the upcoming thriller THE PERFECT GETAWAY. $$$
TERMINATOR SALVATION - Why am I still not overly excited about this fourth installment of the hugely successful cybernetic franchise? Maybe it's because it's the fourth installment of the hugely successful cybernetic franchise. Mainly it's because it's directed by McG (CHARLIE'S ANGELS 1 & 2, WE ARE MARSHALL) a guy who has yet to make a decent movie. I ask you: has any single-named director ever made a great movie? Tarsem fans, please don't write me. $$
THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE - This is another one of OCEAN'S 11,12,13's Steven Soderbergh's no-budget, art-house, ventures, and the only review I've heard is from one of my favorite online critics, emulsioncompulsion.com's Scott Marks, and he's says it's terrific. Good enough to get my money. It stars real-life porn star Sasha Grey as a high-class escort. But will it play in Omaha? $$$
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: BATTLE OF THE SMITHSONIAN - Unless my niece Sophia absolutely ahs to see it over Memorial Day weekend, I'm going to take a Pasadena on this one. When there are more actors in the trailer than the one-sheet for THE CANNONBALL RUN, you know something's amiss. Families will eat it up, I'm sure. $1/2
UP - It's from Pixar. Are you really not going to see this? Naysayers think they are due for a flop, but word for the Cannes film festival is that this ain't it. See it when the kiddies are in school, though. $$$$
DRAG ME TO HELL - I've seen most of this movie and can't really comment. Suffice it to say pre-SPIDER MAN Sam Raimi fans will probably get the biggest kick out of it. Post-Spidey fans might just think it's a drag. $$
THE HANGOVER - Another one I've only seen parts of, but this bachelor party gone awry comedy starring four dudes most people have never heard of is slated to be the must-see R-rated comedy of the summer. Struggling actors note: this is the second film this year Mike Tyson appears in. Call your agents. $$$1/2
LAND OF THE LOST - Will Ferrell leads bumbling loser Danny McBride and "Pushing Daisies'" fetching Anna Friel back to Sid and Marty Krofft Land in this big budget movie-fied version of the 70s kids' show staple. I saw it. Should you? Only if you ever wondered what "Jurassic Park" would be like if was a comedy. Good, dumb, fun. $$$
IMAGINE THAT - You know how there's usually at least one summer movie that is an absolute stinkbomb that repels both audiences and critics? Last summer it was MEET DAVE. This summer, Eddie Murphy goes for two with this kid-friendly flick whose plot is strikingly similar to last Christmas' Adam Sandler hit BEDTIME STORIES. Why, Eddie, why??? Fifty cents at best.
MOON - Another arthouse option. This space mystery stars CHOKE'S Sam Rockwell as a stranded astronaut. The trailer has shades of CAPRICORN ONE and SOLARIS, neither of which were major hits. Looks interesting, though. $$1/2
THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123 - Denzel Washington and John Travolta star in this remake of the popular Walter Maltthau '70s action thriller. Directed by hit-maker Tony Scott (ENEMY OF THE STATE, DEJA-VU) this will probably be a decent popcorn movie, though when Travolta plays bad guys, there's usually no scenery left to chew by the film's end. Good luck, Denzel. $$
THE PROPOSAL - Sandra Bullock stars as an icy Canadian book editor (aren't they always?) who traps her assistant (Ryan Reynolds) into marrying her so she can stay in New York. The audience I saw it with laughed like they were watching SOME LIKE IT HOT. I felt like I was on another planet. Still, with Bullock headlining, it's pretty much a license to print money. $$1/2
WHATEVER WORKS - Larry David starring in a Woody Allen movie? I'm there for sure, though Woody haters will certainly curb their enthusiasm. $$$1/2
YEAR ONE - When I was a kid, I thought CAVEMAN starring Ringo Starr was one of the funniest movies I had seen in my 8 years of living. Then I saw it again in high school. Never trust an 8 year old movie critic. Still, I hope this is good. It stars Jack Black, Michael Cera, and David Cross in a prehistoric comedy directed by the usually reliable Harold Ramis. Please, please, don't suck! $$$
TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN - I didn't care for the first installment, but I do admit to having seen it only on DVD. Still, I'm not charged up for this second go around, but will at least check out a matinee at the budget-friendly Vista theater. $$
THE HURT LOCKER - Anyone up for an Iraq War-themed action-drama? The answer's usually no, but this one stars Ralph Fiennes, Guy Pierce, and "Lost's" Evangeline Lily and is directed by Kathryn Bigelow of NEAR DARK, BLUE STEEL, and STRANGE DAYS fame/infamy. $$$1/2
ICE AGE: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS - Is it just me or are the teaser trailers starring the acorn-seeking rodent much funnier than the movies they're advertising? This looks like more of the same...but in 3-D! Pass. $1/2
PUBLIC ENEMIES - Another one I've seen and can't really comment on except to say despite Johnny Depp and Christian Bale's box office allure, this will probably please fans of director Michael Mann more than it will PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN and DARK KNIGHT fans. It will probably be the biggest hit of the summer for the over 30 crowd at least. $$$1/2
BRUNO - Did you like BORAT? Then see this hysterically profane follow-up from creator/star Sacha Baron Cohen opening weekend. The explosive laughter that greets this fabulously un-P.C. film practically blows the theater walls off. If you hated BORAT, enjoy THE PROPOSAL. $$$$
I LOVE YOU, BETH COOPER - The plot for this post-high school graduation comedy, which is based on "Simpsons" writer Larry Doyle's novel, sounds terrific. A nerdy student exclaims the phrase from the movie's title during his valedictory graduation speech, much to the horror of Beth Cooper, played by the alluring, but oddly bland, Hayden Panettiere (TV's bland "Heroes.") The bad news is it's directed by Chris Columbus, whose movies are generally, well, bland. Here's hoping, at least. $$$
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE - I've read all the books and seen all the films up til now, so I'm all in. Why did Warner Bros make us wait so long, though? Avada Kedavra on them! $$$$
ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE - There's usually at least one horror movie in the summer movie pile and this one has been on the backburner for at least three years now. Never a good sign, but the title is a killer. $1/2
(500)DAYS OF SUMMER - This romantic comedy starring Joseph Gordon-Leavitt (the excellent THE LOOKOUT, the aforementioned BRICK) and Zooey Deschanel (ELF, ALMOST FAMOUS, THE GOOD GIRL) could very well be the sleeper hit of the summer. And not just because it has the word "summer" in the title. $$$
G-FORCE - Another CGI-laden family film, this time involving butt-kicking guinea pigs (you read that right) that has kids-only written all over it. You'll crack up though when you realize which of the rodents Nicolas Cage is doing the voice for. Laugh if you want, but his acting is better here than in "Know1ng." Parents will feel like the real guinea pigs, though. $1/2
THE UGLY TRUTH - Another recent escapee from movie release purgatory, this comedy starring Katherine Heigl (KNOCKED UP, some hospital TV show) and 300's Gerard Butler will likely get lost in THE PROPOSAL's wake. And that's the ugly truth. $
ADAM - This little gem's paltry release will most likely make ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE look like TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN by comparison. Check out my review at: http://valleyscenemagazine.com/movies/ $$$
FUNNY PEOPLE - The latest from profane comedy auteur Judd Apatow stars Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, and SUPERBAD'S Jonah Hill as both successful and struggling stand-up comics. The trailer looks good, but oddly feel-good-y. Apatow always delivers the good though. $$$1/2
G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA - This buzz on this movie based on the original action figure is eerily low. The teaser posters look like the filmmakers are selling black spandex and not entertainment - and that's probably no accident. If WATCHMEN was a near-miss, this will be a gargantuan mega-bomb. Don't get snakebit. $
JULIE & JULIA - Who'd thought Meryl Streep would become a summer movie staple, but after THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA and MAMMA MIA! became counter-programming mega-hits, the former SHE DEVIL star, here playing famous chef Julia Child, is now box office gold. Having "It girl" Amy Adams playing Childs' modern counterpart doesn't hurt either. Guaranteed to be the biggest food-porn hit since BIG NIGHT. $$$
A PERFECT GETAWAY - Stylish action-thriller director David Twohy (THE ARRIVAL, PITCH BLACK) directs this perfectly entertaining thriller about a married couple, played by Steve Zahn and RESIDENT EVIL heroine/bad movie script-magnet Milla Jovovich, being stalked by a another, albeit murderous, couple led by the devilishly charming Timothy Olyphant (LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD.) Prepare yourself for some good twists. $$$
TAKING WOODSTOCK - This Ang Lee helmed drama which is set against the backdrop of the historic Woodstock concert is already giving me ACROSS THE UNIVERSE flashbacks - and that ain't good. I'm sick of actors playing 60s dress-up. Pass! $$
INGLORIOUS BASTERDS - I'm not usually one for supporting bad grammar in movie titles, but Quentin Tarantino directing a WWII action drama starring Brad Pitt? Here's my money. $$$$
H2 - Everytime I see this title I think of K-2. Then I think of K-12: THE WIDOWMAKER. Then I look at the mask and realize it's a reboot of HALLOWEEN 2, the way-inferior follow-up to the original HALLOWEEN, which was rebooted in 2007 as ROB ZOMBIE'S HALLOWEEN and it pretty much blew. I'm expecting the same, but I'll check it out with the same morbid fascination I do highway roadkill. $$
EXTRACT - The latest comedy from Mike Judge of OFFICE SPACE and "Beavis and Butthead" fame (will the word "Butthead" be mentioned in Judge's eulogy?) stars Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, and the awesome Kristen Wiig. It concerns the goings-on at a flavor extract plant. Expect some good laughs and lots of empty seats. $$1/2
And the winner for the "Hardest To Find Award" will likely go to...
BLACK DYNAMITE - This was apparently a big hit on the festival circuit. The plot synopsis I read is as follows: " A 70s African American action hero fights 'The Man,' who murders his brothers and floods the ghetto with heroin and malt liquor." I'm in. $$$$
For you completists out there, I apologize if I left off any films you're excited about. Let me know if I overlooked any diamonds in the rough.
See you at the movies!
Having realized just recently that not everyone reads Entertainment Weekly's Summer Movie Preview, I thought I'd do a little rundown of some of the upcoming offerings at the local googleplex. Since the economy is still in the toilet, I'm rating the movies with 1 - 4 dollar signs in terms of their entertainment value.
I'm not just here to entertain, people. I'm also here to help.
(In order of release date.)
WOLVERINE - This Hugh Jackman-starring "origin tale" is still slashing away much of the competition at the box office. It's just too bad it's not that great. Only somewhat better than the 3rd X-Men movie, but a far cry from the terrific first two installments. $$
STAR TREK - Remember last year how IRON MAN made you remember just how good and fun big budget blockbusters could be? That's what this reboot from director J.J. Abrams does. You don't have to be a Trekkie/Trekker to enjoy this, but it helps if you can tell the difference between a phaser and a lightsaber. $$$$
ANGELS & DEMONS - 2006's THE DA VINCI CODE was a Godsend for Columbia Pictures, even though most people didn't seem to care for it. Still, money talks, and it was good enough to convince Ron Howard and Tom Hanks to give Dan Brown's Da Vinci prequel (treated here as a sequel) another whirl. The word on the street? Wholly (not holy) forgettable. $$
THE BROTHERS BLOOM - This is one that will be harder to find but probably more worth your entertainment sheckles than most of the other offerings. Adrien Brody and Mark Ruffalo play con men siblings and Rachel Weisz is their latest mark - or will they be her latest victim? It's a lot like DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS just without the broad (read: funnier) humor. The second film from director Rian Johnson, who had an art-house hit in 2005 with the high-school noir mystery BRICK - a film I just could not get into. My bad, I'm sure. $$$
MANAGEMENT - Another smaller film though I haven't heard much other than Jennifer Aniston and Steve Zahn are in it. For me, Aniston is limited in range, but always appealing, and Zahn is one funny dude, though check out his more serious turn in the upcoming thriller THE PERFECT GETAWAY. $$$
TERMINATOR SALVATION - Why am I still not overly excited about this fourth installment of the hugely successful cybernetic franchise? Maybe it's because it's the fourth installment of the hugely successful cybernetic franchise. Mainly it's because it's directed by McG (CHARLIE'S ANGELS 1 & 2, WE ARE MARSHALL) a guy who has yet to make a decent movie. I ask you: has any single-named director ever made a great movie? Tarsem fans, please don't write me. $$
THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE - This is another one of OCEAN'S 11,12,13's Steven Soderbergh's no-budget, art-house, ventures, and the only review I've heard is from one of my favorite online critics, emulsioncompulsion.com's Scott Marks, and he's says it's terrific. Good enough to get my money. It stars real-life porn star Sasha Grey as a high-class escort. But will it play in Omaha? $$$
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: BATTLE OF THE SMITHSONIAN - Unless my niece Sophia absolutely ahs to see it over Memorial Day weekend, I'm going to take a Pasadena on this one. When there are more actors in the trailer than the one-sheet for THE CANNONBALL RUN, you know something's amiss. Families will eat it up, I'm sure. $1/2
UP - It's from Pixar. Are you really not going to see this? Naysayers think they are due for a flop, but word for the Cannes film festival is that this ain't it. See it when the kiddies are in school, though. $$$$
DRAG ME TO HELL - I've seen most of this movie and can't really comment. Suffice it to say pre-SPIDER MAN Sam Raimi fans will probably get the biggest kick out of it. Post-Spidey fans might just think it's a drag. $$
THE HANGOVER - Another one I've only seen parts of, but this bachelor party gone awry comedy starring four dudes most people have never heard of is slated to be the must-see R-rated comedy of the summer. Struggling actors note: this is the second film this year Mike Tyson appears in. Call your agents. $$$1/2
LAND OF THE LOST - Will Ferrell leads bumbling loser Danny McBride and "Pushing Daisies'" fetching Anna Friel back to Sid and Marty Krofft Land in this big budget movie-fied version of the 70s kids' show staple. I saw it. Should you? Only if you ever wondered what "Jurassic Park" would be like if was a comedy. Good, dumb, fun. $$$
IMAGINE THAT - You know how there's usually at least one summer movie that is an absolute stinkbomb that repels both audiences and critics? Last summer it was MEET DAVE. This summer, Eddie Murphy goes for two with this kid-friendly flick whose plot is strikingly similar to last Christmas' Adam Sandler hit BEDTIME STORIES. Why, Eddie, why??? Fifty cents at best.
MOON - Another arthouse option. This space mystery stars CHOKE'S Sam Rockwell as a stranded astronaut. The trailer has shades of CAPRICORN ONE and SOLARIS, neither of which were major hits. Looks interesting, though. $$1/2
THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123 - Denzel Washington and John Travolta star in this remake of the popular Walter Maltthau '70s action thriller. Directed by hit-maker Tony Scott (ENEMY OF THE STATE, DEJA-VU) this will probably be a decent popcorn movie, though when Travolta plays bad guys, there's usually no scenery left to chew by the film's end. Good luck, Denzel. $$
THE PROPOSAL - Sandra Bullock stars as an icy Canadian book editor (aren't they always?) who traps her assistant (Ryan Reynolds) into marrying her so she can stay in New York. The audience I saw it with laughed like they were watching SOME LIKE IT HOT. I felt like I was on another planet. Still, with Bullock headlining, it's pretty much a license to print money. $$1/2
WHATEVER WORKS - Larry David starring in a Woody Allen movie? I'm there for sure, though Woody haters will certainly curb their enthusiasm. $$$1/2
YEAR ONE - When I was a kid, I thought CAVEMAN starring Ringo Starr was one of the funniest movies I had seen in my 8 years of living. Then I saw it again in high school. Never trust an 8 year old movie critic. Still, I hope this is good. It stars Jack Black, Michael Cera, and David Cross in a prehistoric comedy directed by the usually reliable Harold Ramis. Please, please, don't suck! $$$
TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN - I didn't care for the first installment, but I do admit to having seen it only on DVD. Still, I'm not charged up for this second go around, but will at least check out a matinee at the budget-friendly Vista theater. $$
THE HURT LOCKER - Anyone up for an Iraq War-themed action-drama? The answer's usually no, but this one stars Ralph Fiennes, Guy Pierce, and "Lost's" Evangeline Lily and is directed by Kathryn Bigelow of NEAR DARK, BLUE STEEL, and STRANGE DAYS fame/infamy. $$$1/2
ICE AGE: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS - Is it just me or are the teaser trailers starring the acorn-seeking rodent much funnier than the movies they're advertising? This looks like more of the same...but in 3-D! Pass. $1/2
PUBLIC ENEMIES - Another one I've seen and can't really comment on except to say despite Johnny Depp and Christian Bale's box office allure, this will probably please fans of director Michael Mann more than it will PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN and DARK KNIGHT fans. It will probably be the biggest hit of the summer for the over 30 crowd at least. $$$1/2
BRUNO - Did you like BORAT? Then see this hysterically profane follow-up from creator/star Sacha Baron Cohen opening weekend. The explosive laughter that greets this fabulously un-P.C. film practically blows the theater walls off. If you hated BORAT, enjoy THE PROPOSAL. $$$$
I LOVE YOU, BETH COOPER - The plot for this post-high school graduation comedy, which is based on "Simpsons" writer Larry Doyle's novel, sounds terrific. A nerdy student exclaims the phrase from the movie's title during his valedictory graduation speech, much to the horror of Beth Cooper, played by the alluring, but oddly bland, Hayden Panettiere (TV's bland "Heroes.") The bad news is it's directed by Chris Columbus, whose movies are generally, well, bland. Here's hoping, at least. $$$
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE - I've read all the books and seen all the films up til now, so I'm all in. Why did Warner Bros make us wait so long, though? Avada Kedavra on them! $$$$
ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE - There's usually at least one horror movie in the summer movie pile and this one has been on the backburner for at least three years now. Never a good sign, but the title is a killer. $1/2
(500)DAYS OF SUMMER - This romantic comedy starring Joseph Gordon-Leavitt (the excellent THE LOOKOUT, the aforementioned BRICK) and Zooey Deschanel (ELF, ALMOST FAMOUS, THE GOOD GIRL) could very well be the sleeper hit of the summer. And not just because it has the word "summer" in the title. $$$
G-FORCE - Another CGI-laden family film, this time involving butt-kicking guinea pigs (you read that right) that has kids-only written all over it. You'll crack up though when you realize which of the rodents Nicolas Cage is doing the voice for. Laugh if you want, but his acting is better here than in "Know1ng." Parents will feel like the real guinea pigs, though. $1/2
THE UGLY TRUTH - Another recent escapee from movie release purgatory, this comedy starring Katherine Heigl (KNOCKED UP, some hospital TV show) and 300's Gerard Butler will likely get lost in THE PROPOSAL's wake. And that's the ugly truth. $
ADAM - This little gem's paltry release will most likely make ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE look like TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN by comparison. Check out my review at: http://valleyscenemagazine.com/movies/ $$$
FUNNY PEOPLE - The latest from profane comedy auteur Judd Apatow stars Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, and SUPERBAD'S Jonah Hill as both successful and struggling stand-up comics. The trailer looks good, but oddly feel-good-y. Apatow always delivers the good though. $$$1/2
G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA - This buzz on this movie based on the original action figure is eerily low. The teaser posters look like the filmmakers are selling black spandex and not entertainment - and that's probably no accident. If WATCHMEN was a near-miss, this will be a gargantuan mega-bomb. Don't get snakebit. $
JULIE & JULIA - Who'd thought Meryl Streep would become a summer movie staple, but after THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA and MAMMA MIA! became counter-programming mega-hits, the former SHE DEVIL star, here playing famous chef Julia Child, is now box office gold. Having "It girl" Amy Adams playing Childs' modern counterpart doesn't hurt either. Guaranteed to be the biggest food-porn hit since BIG NIGHT. $$$
A PERFECT GETAWAY - Stylish action-thriller director David Twohy (THE ARRIVAL, PITCH BLACK) directs this perfectly entertaining thriller about a married couple, played by Steve Zahn and RESIDENT EVIL heroine/bad movie script-magnet Milla Jovovich, being stalked by a another, albeit murderous, couple led by the devilishly charming Timothy Olyphant (LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD.) Prepare yourself for some good twists. $$$
TAKING WOODSTOCK - This Ang Lee helmed drama which is set against the backdrop of the historic Woodstock concert is already giving me ACROSS THE UNIVERSE flashbacks - and that ain't good. I'm sick of actors playing 60s dress-up. Pass! $$
INGLORIOUS BASTERDS - I'm not usually one for supporting bad grammar in movie titles, but Quentin Tarantino directing a WWII action drama starring Brad Pitt? Here's my money. $$$$
H2 - Everytime I see this title I think of K-2. Then I think of K-12: THE WIDOWMAKER. Then I look at the mask and realize it's a reboot of HALLOWEEN 2, the way-inferior follow-up to the original HALLOWEEN, which was rebooted in 2007 as ROB ZOMBIE'S HALLOWEEN and it pretty much blew. I'm expecting the same, but I'll check it out with the same morbid fascination I do highway roadkill. $$
EXTRACT - The latest comedy from Mike Judge of OFFICE SPACE and "Beavis and Butthead" fame (will the word "Butthead" be mentioned in Judge's eulogy?) stars Jason Bateman, Ben Affleck, and the awesome Kristen Wiig. It concerns the goings-on at a flavor extract plant. Expect some good laughs and lots of empty seats. $$1/2
And the winner for the "Hardest To Find Award" will likely go to...
BLACK DYNAMITE - This was apparently a big hit on the festival circuit. The plot synopsis I read is as follows: " A 70s African American action hero fights 'The Man,' who murders his brothers and floods the ghetto with heroin and malt liquor." I'm in. $$$$
For you completists out there, I apologize if I left off any films you're excited about. Let me know if I overlooked any diamonds in the rough.
See you at the movies!
Monday, April 6, 2009
Nicolas Cage: Bad Actor
This past Saturday night I did something I haven’t done in a long while – I went to the movies. That might sound strange coming from the likes of me, but considering the ticket prices and the rampant lack of courtesy on display at most multiplexes, I usually try to avoid the weekend crowds. So I went and saw “Knowing” at the local AMC – I figured everyone else was seeing “Fast & Furious” (considering that movie’s $70 million opening, boy, was I right.) There was still a decent crowd for the movie though and thankfully there weren’t too many incidents of morons answering their cell phones or texting during the flick.
I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by “Knowing.” I thought the trailers looked pretty ludicrous – and the movie is indeed ludicrous – but despite a very, very, rough set-up, the movie took me on a ride that I didn’t see coming. The director, Alex Proyas (“The Crow,” “I, Robot,” “Dark City,”) is known for his visuals and the movie’s set-pieces don’t disappoint. While it’s still a far cry from the four-star review Ebert gave it, it’s also much better than the D rating Entertainment Weekly gave it. I would give it a two and half to three star review – or a B, for those who speak EW-ese.
Though the movie’s overall content is debatable, one thing certainly is not: Nicolas Cage is absolutely terrible in it. I mean, God-awful. There are moments when his acting choices bring the otherwise entertaining proceedings to a screeching halt. His emotions range from dead-eyed and somnolent to TALKING VERY LOUDLY IN THAT NIC CAGE KIND OF WAY!!!!! It’s too bad, too, because even though the movie is already a hit, it could have been his “Sixth Sense,” a genre movie that actually elevates the genre by featuring stellar work from its star, which in that case was Bruce Willis. Like that blockbuster, “Knowing” kind of came out from nowhere and is still making money despite heavy competition from other spring hits like “I Love You, Man” and the aforementioned Vin Diesel car-porn movie. To paraphrase David Letterman during his notorious interview with Joaquin Phoenix, it’s too bad Nicolas Cage, the Oscar winner, couldn’t have been there.
What happened to this once truly talented actor? After making a noticeable debut in the 80s classic “Valley Girl,” he came into his own with the Coen Brothers’ seminal comedy “Raising Arizona.” His portrayal of the clueless and hen-pecked H.I. McDonough is one of the best comedic performances of all time. Back then, he knew when to use his Nic Cage “tics” to his advantage and not just as a way to show off how clever he is. The movie is hilarious, even 20 + years after its debut, but its story of a childless couple desperate for a family is very touching, thanks to Cage's and Holly Hunter’s believably funny roles.
Honestly, I was never crazy about Cage’s work in “Moonstruck” or “Peggy Sue Got Married,” but they were still quality films made by talented filmmakers . Of course, “Leaving Las Vegas,” the movie that won him his Oscar, is his best dramatic effort to date. He played a very convincing drunk – not as easy as it sounds – one who was not only heart-broken but also heart-breaking to watch. He could be the “kling-klang king of the rim-ram-room,” but he could also be a guy you just felt very, very, sorry for.
I think David Lynch may be to blame. Cage’s role in “Wild at Heart” came at a time when the star had lost some of his heat. That film has never been one of my favorites, but even if the movie kind of struck out, Cage was at least swinging for the fences with his role as a Elvis doppelganger.
Ever since then, he has infused many of his roles with his bizarre antics, like the aforementioned shouting or his wild gesticulations. It kind of works in a movie like “Weather Man,” in which his character finds himself by becoming slightly unhinged; maybe it works a little in “National Treasure” in which he is kind of a geek, but it absolutely does not work in “Knowing.” He’s supposed the center of this apocalyptic storm – the world is coming to an end, people! – but yet he forces unneeded quirkiness into his work. Obviously, Cage is a huge star now. Only someone with his box office clout could star in something like “Bangkok Dangerous” and have it still open at number one, even though the movie looks and smells like number two.
Certainly, Proyas needs to shoulder the blame as well. He’s the director, one with a certain reputation to boot, so he should know how to reign in his leading man when he goes off course. Maybe Cage is too big to be properly directed now – does any director tell Julia Roberts anything other than to do what she does so well? I guess it doesn’t matter in terms of his shelf-life as a movie star – his movies are bigger than ever. I just wonder if Cage, the actor, knows that Cage, the movie star, isn’t always the person we are paying to see.
After seeing “Knowing,” I came home and turned on cable. Wouldn’t you know it, Bravo was showing “Raising Arizona.” Even in its edited, pan and scanned, format, I fell in love with H.I. and the rest of the oddball characters all over again. In those days, Cage still had what his ill-gotten son in the movie, Nathan Jr., had – that “look in his eye.”
Sadly, that look was completely missing at the movies on Saturday night.
I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by “Knowing.” I thought the trailers looked pretty ludicrous – and the movie is indeed ludicrous – but despite a very, very, rough set-up, the movie took me on a ride that I didn’t see coming. The director, Alex Proyas (“The Crow,” “I, Robot,” “Dark City,”) is known for his visuals and the movie’s set-pieces don’t disappoint. While it’s still a far cry from the four-star review Ebert gave it, it’s also much better than the D rating Entertainment Weekly gave it. I would give it a two and half to three star review – or a B, for those who speak EW-ese.
Though the movie’s overall content is debatable, one thing certainly is not: Nicolas Cage is absolutely terrible in it. I mean, God-awful. There are moments when his acting choices bring the otherwise entertaining proceedings to a screeching halt. His emotions range from dead-eyed and somnolent to TALKING VERY LOUDLY IN THAT NIC CAGE KIND OF WAY!!!!! It’s too bad, too, because even though the movie is already a hit, it could have been his “Sixth Sense,” a genre movie that actually elevates the genre by featuring stellar work from its star, which in that case was Bruce Willis. Like that blockbuster, “Knowing” kind of came out from nowhere and is still making money despite heavy competition from other spring hits like “I Love You, Man” and the aforementioned Vin Diesel car-porn movie. To paraphrase David Letterman during his notorious interview with Joaquin Phoenix, it’s too bad Nicolas Cage, the Oscar winner, couldn’t have been there.
What happened to this once truly talented actor? After making a noticeable debut in the 80s classic “Valley Girl,” he came into his own with the Coen Brothers’ seminal comedy “Raising Arizona.” His portrayal of the clueless and hen-pecked H.I. McDonough is one of the best comedic performances of all time. Back then, he knew when to use his Nic Cage “tics” to his advantage and not just as a way to show off how clever he is. The movie is hilarious, even 20 + years after its debut, but its story of a childless couple desperate for a family is very touching, thanks to Cage's and Holly Hunter’s believably funny roles.
Honestly, I was never crazy about Cage’s work in “Moonstruck” or “Peggy Sue Got Married,” but they were still quality films made by talented filmmakers . Of course, “Leaving Las Vegas,” the movie that won him his Oscar, is his best dramatic effort to date. He played a very convincing drunk – not as easy as it sounds – one who was not only heart-broken but also heart-breaking to watch. He could be the “kling-klang king of the rim-ram-room,” but he could also be a guy you just felt very, very, sorry for.
I think David Lynch may be to blame. Cage’s role in “Wild at Heart” came at a time when the star had lost some of his heat. That film has never been one of my favorites, but even if the movie kind of struck out, Cage was at least swinging for the fences with his role as a Elvis doppelganger.
Ever since then, he has infused many of his roles with his bizarre antics, like the aforementioned shouting or his wild gesticulations. It kind of works in a movie like “Weather Man,” in which his character finds himself by becoming slightly unhinged; maybe it works a little in “National Treasure” in which he is kind of a geek, but it absolutely does not work in “Knowing.” He’s supposed the center of this apocalyptic storm – the world is coming to an end, people! – but yet he forces unneeded quirkiness into his work. Obviously, Cage is a huge star now. Only someone with his box office clout could star in something like “Bangkok Dangerous” and have it still open at number one, even though the movie looks and smells like number two.
Certainly, Proyas needs to shoulder the blame as well. He’s the director, one with a certain reputation to boot, so he should know how to reign in his leading man when he goes off course. Maybe Cage is too big to be properly directed now – does any director tell Julia Roberts anything other than to do what she does so well? I guess it doesn’t matter in terms of his shelf-life as a movie star – his movies are bigger than ever. I just wonder if Cage, the actor, knows that Cage, the movie star, isn’t always the person we are paying to see.
After seeing “Knowing,” I came home and turned on cable. Wouldn’t you know it, Bravo was showing “Raising Arizona.” Even in its edited, pan and scanned, format, I fell in love with H.I. and the rest of the oddball characters all over again. In those days, Cage still had what his ill-gotten son in the movie, Nathan Jr., had – that “look in his eye.”
Sadly, that look was completely missing at the movies on Saturday night.
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